The Mercenary's Bounty Page 7

  It all came flooding back, as she remembered the pain in his eyes. The way he had looked when she and Mat had gotten to him.

  She had once been the same. No one had come for her. She just thought he would like someone to talk to about it. She understood, she really did. She had never shared it with anyone, but she would have shared it with him to help him.

  Mave didn’t move until she heard someone else coming into the cargo hold. She looked back towards the door and saw Brynec, who was obviously confused by her presence there as well.

  “Well, little miss, I thought I wouldn’t see ya until later tonight.”

  “Are you down here for your nap?” she asked at the same time. They both stopped talking for a moment until Bryn sat down next to her.

  “Aye. I find it hard to sleep in enclosed spaces. This is the biggest place on the ship and no one will bother me down here. Alchan and Luykas don’t like when I sleep outside.” He nudged her with an elbow. “Why are ya down here?”

  “I found Rain down here,” she answered. “And he…got mad at me. So I stayed down here.”

  “What’s goin’ on with him? If ya don’t mind tellin’ me. I can ask him, if I need to.”

  She looked at him, wondering where that came from. No one except Zayden had openly asked what was going on with Rain yet and she hadn’t expected it from Brynec. He was the last person she had expected it from, really. Maybe Alchan or Leshaun. Or even Varon, being a priest. But Brynec the rogue, the other prior gladiator?

  “Why?” She tried to hide the hostility, but was unable. He was another gladiator. In that moment, while the darkness touched the back of her mind, trying to drown her, he was the enemy.

  “I think I can help him too,” he answered.

  “Excuse me?” She pulled back from him, shocked out of her temper. It came back harder, bringing a snarl from her lips. She wasn’t going to let some other gladiator near her little brother. “You? How? I know what happened and I’m doing everything I can to-”

  “Ya aren’t male,” Bryn cut in. “I am. I’m not a raki, and I’m not as small as him, but I’m on the smaller side of Andinna males, Mave. I was a gladiator, too. Livin’ with bigger males. Aye, I think I can help in ways you can’t, because I’m male.”

  She blinked, swallowing her idiocy. Of course. “You too.” The rage faded. The darkness, the memories, they didn’t, but something eased in her.

  “Aye, me too.” Bryn looked away after that. “Like nearly everyone who lives in that world.”

  “Yeah,” she sighed out, nodding. “I didn’t even think of that. I’m sorry.”

  “Tell me more about the argument? I’d like to know before I try to talk to him what to expect.”

  “He doesn’t want help. He feels it makes him weak,” she explained. Something continued to shift in her. Suddenly, Bryn wasn’t just any other gladiator like Seventy-Two or the monsters she was used to, the ones who made her a monster in return. He was a gladiator like her and Rain. Someone who had to fight a bit harder to be safe. Someone who understood what it meant to be the target in hell.

  Something in her trusted him a bit more, knowing what sort of darkness he held in his past as well. He understood.

  “Of course he does,” Bryn said, groaning. “And his bodra, the kuk, isn’t helping.”

  “Did you just call Zayden an ass?” she asked without thinking. She’d heard kuk before and was nearly certain that’s what it meant.

  “Of course. What else is he?” Bryn shook his head. “He’s overprotective. He loved Summer, ya need to understand. Rain is all he has left of her, and he won’t live a full life span. Zayden wants to keep his boy alive as long as he can. Can’t blame him, but it’s probably not helpin’ Rain’s head.”

  “No, I don’t think it is,” she agreed. “I made him so mad when all I wanted to do was help, Bryn. He’s hurting and I don’t know how to help if he won’t accept my comfort. I’m not even good at comforting. I’ve never really done it before. I’ve never had anyone to comfort and I want to help him.” She was rambling now, saying more in the span of those moments than she had in weeks to anyone. It felt like floodgates were opening. “I failed to protect him the pits, Bryn. I failed him and Matesh. We got there right before, but I don’t think it was soon enough. They had beat him so bad-”

  “You didn’t fail him then,” Bryn cut in again. “Ya didn’t fail him.”

  “I did. My first family in a thousand years, and he got hurt when I should have been there to protect him, and now I can’t help him. He doesn’t want my help.” Her chest began to heave as it all settled in. She’d spent weeks thinking she was okay, but seeing Rain in that state, seeing him so angry that he stormed out - it all crashed into the fragile wall she had built around that day. Around the vulnerability she felt over losing his love. She didn’t want to lose her illi bodyr because she had failed.

  “I’ll talk to him. I’ve been where he is. No worries. Ya just tell Matesh that I know now so he doesn’t cleave my head off my shoulders. I like the big brute, so I don’t want to gut him for anything stupid like being attacked for talking to Rain about something sensitive.”

  She couldn’t stop a small hiccup of a laugh. “He loves Rain,” she mumbled. She didn’t know why she said it, since Bryn probably knew even better than her, having known them for centuries to her short two months or so.

  “Aye, I know. He’s been that way with Rain since the boy was born. There’s a reason Rain calls him uncle.”

  “He doesn’t call you uncle,” she noted, suddenly thinking about it. “Why not?”

  “I wasn’t…that involved in raisin’ him, like Matesh and Luykas. Varon and Nevyn both really enjoyed it, since they won’t ever have kids, but it’s not my thing. But I’ll talk to him about this, I promise ya. He doesn’t have to do this alone like he thinks he does. Maybe hearing that from another male might help him.”

  “Thank you,” she murmured, grateful he found her down in the cargo hold when he had. She couldn’t have taken this to Matesh, knowing her lover would take it to Zayden, but she hadn’t wanted to deal with it alone, not knowing what to do. “And…thank you for telling me about you.” She felt like she needed to recognize that.

  “If ya need to talk, just let me know,” he told her kindly in return. “I’m male, cock and all, but I’m sure I can understand some of what ya went through.”

  She swallowed, considering that. She hadn’t thought about her own nightmares in a long time. Now they were being scratched, itching for her to spill them to the disarmingly charming Andinna with sky blue eyes.

  And what would I say? I lost my virginity on show? That I was given by the Empress to her lover to be beaten and taken for the first time?

  No…he doesn’t need that sort of baggage from me. He can help Rain.

  “Thanks for the offer,” she replied. She stood up, feeling stiff and awkward now, and stepped away. “I’m going to head up. You came down here to sleep. Thank you for talking to me and…keep me updated on Rain? Please?”

  “Aye, of course.” He stood up, sweeping dust off himself. She turned and left the room before anything else could get brought up.

  Nightmares. She had been doing really well for the last few weeks on the ship, pretending she could just remain focused on the future. Now it itched. Seeing Rain falling apart, hearing Bryn once lived in similar circumstances and had lived through the very things she had tried to protect Rain from.

  The day had taken a dark turn on her and she wasn’t sure where to go with it, so she went to her shared room with Matesh. He was lying on the bed and she didn’t say anything as she lay next to him. Without thinking, she touched her tail to his, causing him to roll so they could stare at each other.

  “I gave Bryn permission to talk to Rain about what happened,” she told him. Something appeared on Mat’s face that she couldn’t identify and made her feel the need to explain. “Apparently-”

  “You don’t need to explain. I know Bryn’s story and he s
hould be able to help Rain. What happened?”

  “Rain yelled at me,” she whispered.

  Hurt flashed in his eyes. That she could understand. She rolled closer to him and put her head on his chest.

  “He yelled at me too, when he came upstairs. He took off for a fly after that in his wyvern form. If Bryn can’t talk some sense into him, we’ll have to tell his father.”

  She shook her head. “It’s not our secret to tell, Mat. I can’t expose him like that. I barely said anything to Bryn. He guessed, but neither of us really ever said the words.”

  “Well, we’ll see how this plays out. Let’s take our minds off it. Want to practice Andena?”

  “Sure,” she mumbled. “Can we just…talk to each other? I’m not in the mood to read.”

  “Yeah, we can do that,” Matesh answered.

  6

  Mave

  That evening, Mave didn’t say anything when Bryn walked out from below deck with Rain beside him. She didn’t want to pry, no matter how much she worried. It wasn’t her business what was said between them, if there was anything said at all.

  “He wants some time to figure out what to do, to process it, and he feels like no one is giving him the time he needs. He just wants to be left alone for a little while. I’m giving him my room to get away from his father. I barely use it.” Bryn didn’t look at her directly as he spoke, seeming distracted.

  “Thank you. I didn’t…want to ask.” She twisted her hands together, uncomfortable. I’ve never done any of this. Until I met Mat and Rain, I never dealt with this sort of thing. No one wanted to be my friend and I didn’t want any of them.

  “Ya care for him. In lonely worlds like the ones we’ve been in, that’s important.” Bryn’s words were gentle. Her heart thumped hard at the truth in them. She hadn’t given him enough credit over the last few weeks. “Let’s get started on this.”

  “Did he tell you exactly what happened?” She turned away from him, spreading her wings to a more natural relaxed position so he could work on them.

  “No. We never really talked. I found him when he came back in, told him I saw he was strugglin’ with somethin’.” Bryn started touching her, those swift and steady hands kneading into her muscles. “He doesn’t know as much about me as the rest of the Company, but he ain’t stupid either. He said he wanted some space and that was it.”

  The conversation dropped quickly after that. Mave wasn’t sure what to say and she could tell Bryn was distant with her now. She wanted to pull him back into a conversation, like a desperate need to know more about this other gladiator, this other slave with a scar.

  “Why do you cover the scar?” she asked, staring out over the water. She was glad she didn’t have to look him in the face for the question. She didn’t hide hers, but then, she hid none of her scars. She didn’t see why she should.

  “I was teased for it. Then it became useful, the scarf. The scarf can cover much of my face when I need it to.”

  “But what’s the point? You’re Andinna, the horns give that away. The wings. The tail.” She was frowning now, trying to puzzle out his reasoning.

  “It just feels safer.” He paused on a knot in her left wing. “I do some very illegal things for the Company, and there’s plenty of Andinna roaming around Olost. Not mercenaries, but there’s some rare trade caravans and some who just need to roam a little. I don’t want people to think it’s me.”

  “Really?” She gasped, turning to look more closely at him. “What sort of illegal things are we talking about?”

  “Nothing too serious, really. Every so often, there’s some uppity human that wants all non-humans out of Olost. We deal with them. Well, I deal with them. It’s been a hundred years since the last one. The Free Cities of Olost are as free as they claim because they know that the longer-lived races there keep it that way. Take Captain Sen. He’s a pirate, sure, but as long as Olost accepts him, his kind, a mutt, he’ll protect Olost ships and warn them of Elvasi forces if they come too close.” Bryn pulled on her wing, an indication she needed to turn back around so he could continue working. She obliged the request, letting him deliver attention to a particular knot in her left wing.

  He killed people, important people, to help maintain the reputation of Olost being a place for the free and anyone who needed a home.

  If there ever was a good reason to kill, that would be one. I like that. I’ve killed for less, much less.

  “Now, my turn for a question,” he murmured, rubbing a little harder as his hands moved to her shoulders. His hands brought that annoying little sound from her, but she couldn’t stop it. Her muscles had never felt like this before and it was because he was doing this that she even knew they could be this relaxed. “Who was the first person ya killed?”

  “A guard,” she answered. After a pause, she decided to finish the story. The very short story. “I was ninety-seven. He tried to rape me.”

  “Temper snapped, aye?” Bryn’s question was sad.

  “Yeah. I was thrown in the Colosseum after that.”

  “Did he succeed?” Bryn’s words were taut. His grip tightened, but she didn’t mind it as he pushed his fingers to her flesh, forcing the tightness of her own muscles to abate.

  “No.”

  “Good job,” he whispered. His hands were bordering on painful now. “I hate the Elvasi. I hate that we had to work with one of them to get ya out.”

  In her mind, that Elvasi’s face flashed. Trevan, the guard who showed an unexpected kindness. She knew he was dead now. There was no way he survived that night.

  And Dave. Her human. She should have been kinder to him.

  Her heart hurt for a moment, tightening.

  “Who was the first person you killed?” She didn’t want to think about her past anymore. She had spent all afternoon thinking about her former life.

  “My first owner. He succeeded, but only once. I got him back after that. He put my collar on me, so before he bled out, I cut off his hands.” Bryn’s hands left her shoulders. “Sorry-”

  She reached back and grabbed his wrist with a hand, wrapping her tail around one of his ankles at the same time. “Don’t go. You’re the only person who knows. I won’t judge you for any of it, if you don’t judge me.” By the end of her request, her voice shook. Matesh and Rain were her saviors, the first two Andinna to show her any real kindness and acceptance, but even with them, she felt like a monster sometimes. The female Andinna that butchered her own people trying to survive in hell. They would listen, but she wondered if they ever really understood. They did by the end, but they had only been in the hell of the pits for a few weeks.

  Bryn made her feel different, she realized. He made her feel like she wasn’t so alone in the world. He knew. He understood. He was male, sure, but he had lived the same pains.

  “We were the small ones,” she whispered. “We had to become deadlier than any of them if we wanted to make it through the day.”

  “Aye, we did,” he agreed. “What else would you like to know? I’ll tell ya anythin’.”

  “I don’t sound like a fool, right?” she asked, with a hint of desperation.

  “Nah, Mave, ya don’t sound like a fool. I understand, I do. It’s hard, not havin’ anyone who really understands.” He stepped closer to her again, and she released his wrist for him to continue rubbing her back. “I thought I was crazy when I got freed. I wanted to talk about all of it, but I thought I didn’t need to. It festered in me, festered for a long time. Ya think yer too strong to need to talk about it. It all happened a long time ago, right? Never going to happen again, right? So why do ya need to talk about it?” He chuckled dryly. “I understand better than anyone else on this boat, little miss.”

  “Do you ever feel lost?” she asked. “I do. I don’t know what I’m doing. What is freedom? Where do I go and what do I do? Am I ever going to learn everything?”

  “Ya joined us, so you’ll go where Alchan and Luykas tell us to go. Ya will do what they tell ya to do, except on
your off time, like here on the ship. Ya will have Matesh, who can help guide ya through meetin’ and livin’ with our people. Ya will have Rain, who is yer family now. And if ya lose those two, the rest of the Company will pick up the slack, because yer one of us now. Freedom ain’t scary, it’s just big.” He sighed. “But aye, in the beginnin’, I felt lost and alone. I had a world I knew and suddenly had a world I never dreamed off.”

  “I’m sorry I avoided you for most of the trip.” She swallowed. “I’ve been…distrustful of everyone and focusing on other things.”

  “A bit of distrust is warranted. Ya don’t know any of us. That’ll change in time, but we expected it. And you have a point. Leshaun has been riding ya hard to learn, to catch up on everything. Plus, I think you’ve been riding yerself too hard.”

  “You tried to tell me that trust is something the Company offers, and I haven’t…done very well with it.” She didn’t want to admit how hard she was being on herself with her lessons. If it was that obvious, then she didn’t need to give him the satisfaction of admitting to it.

  “We trust ya to do what the Company expects. Follow orders, kill when necessary. Don’t die. But that’s Company trust. Ya can expect us to do the same. When it comes to violence, we’ll be at yer back, no matter who. That includes Alchan and Luykas. We expect ya to be at our backs.” He patted her back gently. “Ya speak of a different trust. We never expected ya to open up with all yer secrets on day one. That takes time. It’ll come though, because ya will learn to trust us with those too.”

  She heard what he said, and nodded. There was a deep need in her to admit one secret, to show him that the trust was building thanks to their shared backgrounds. She needed one person who really understood her and she had a feeling it was the lean male in front of her. Already, she was considering him in a different light.