The Rebel's Vision Read online

  “She threw him into the pits to fight as a gladiator,” Leshaun confirmed. “He’s been in the pits, fighting for his life on a regular basis since last summer.”

  “We left him.” Mave sounded so far away as if she was reliving that night. “Chased by soldiers through alleys we didn’t fit well in. They were going to catch up. He stopped and said he would hold them off for as long as he could. Until that moment, I never knew his name. I saw him so often at the gate, guarding the private rooms, but he had just been another guard. All I asked was for his name. Then we left him.”

  “Trevan has always been an honorable man,” Leshaun said to the room. “He knew what he was getting into before the night started. Something about your story, Mave, moved him. He was a member of a pro-Andinna organization for centuries, choosing to be in the pits to watch out. For a very long time, it was considered too dangerous for us to work with the group in Elliar, and they knew that, understood it. When Matesh and Rainev were taken and transported to Elliar, we decided to take the risk. Trevan was the one in the pits and became my lead contact. I had all the false documents I needed to wander the city as a slave when I needed to speak to him directly.”

  “We don’t need the history lesson on the mission that kicked off the last year of nightmares,” Alchan said with a sharpness that made Luykas wince. “What are they doing?”

  “They’re going to free him and a mutt he’s allied with. Very obviously half-Elvasi like Luykas, but in a different way.”

  “What kind of different?” Luykas asked quickly.

  “His parents had been married before the War. They’ve dug into him, trying to figure out why Trevan cared about him. He was born after his Elvasi father found and bought his Andinna wife at a slave auction to protect her.”

  “That’s heartbreaking,” Kian mumbled. Luykas nodded. It was, and there were other stories of it. Not every Elvasi hated Andinna, and not every Andinna saw the Elvasi as only the enemy.

  Luykas was still stumbling over something.

  Was his mother really so cruel as to throw an Elvasi into the pits with a bunch of warriors who would kill him the moment they had the chance?

  15

  Mave

  We left him.

  The words rang through Mave’s mind, refusing to stop.

  We left him.

  She didn’t know why it mattered. People were lost during battles all the time.

  Why did this Elvasi seem to haunt her?

  Was it because he was the only one who ever showed her she mattered in some way? Was it because he had been willing to die for her freedom? They had never exchanged words before that night. The only time she really remembered him doing anything for her was when he let Mat and Rain help her after a bad night, even when she told him she didn’t want company. That night, she realized how much Mat and Rain genuinely cared for her. She hadn’t given the guard a second passing thought until she saw him during the escape.

  We left him.

  Her mind replayed the night over and over, stopping where she learned his name and left him in the alley. Eventually, it began to go on longer, walking her through the night that flipped her world upside down and gave her the first real hope for freedom. She had to fight for it, but she could finally taste it that night.

  So much had changed since then. Over a year had gone by.

  She wanted to weep as her mind wandered and remembered another important person from that night, for so long before. She covered her face, hoping to hide her regret and guilt that he hadn’t made it out with her.

  They had given her everything, and she was so wrapped up freeing Andinna, she hadn’t thought about them since Olost.

  How could she dishonor them like this?

  “What about Dave?” she asked the room. She hadn’t been listening to the conversation. She didn’t know what the males around her were planning, and part of her didn’t care. She just wanted to know what happened to her human.

  For centuries, the human servants who were sent to handle her had been her only companionship. She watched them come in with young, fresh faces and tried to close her heart to them. She watched them grow old and mourned silently, glad she hadn’t gotten too close. Only once did she let one truly be her friend, and it had broken her heart. Dave hadn’t needed her friendship to break her heart in the end. He just had to give her freedom.

  “Dave?” someone asked softly.

  “The human servant,” Matesh explained. “His entire job was centered around handling her.”

  “Ah, yes. Forgive me for not also giving you an update on him. I have some recent information on him…” Leshaun flipped through his book. “He’s been secure and hiding from those who want him captured since your escape. Luckily, we have an Elvasi noble in Elliar who is for our cause, and she took him in the moment she knew he was wanted. He’s been helping plan the breakout for Trevan and Emerian.”

  “Make sure he gets out of Elliar,” she said, wrapping her arms around her core. “Make sure he gets out too.”

  “I’ll do my best,” Leshaun promised. “It’ll be challenging. Alchan, are you sure you want me to tell them to try to free every gladiator? The risks involved…”

  Mave’s head snapped up, and her focus sharpened. “What?”

  “Have you missed everything?” Nevyn walked over and put the back of his hand to her head. “No fever—”

  “I’m not sick.” She slapped the hand away, snarling. “Why the hell would we make freeing those fucking monsters a priority? Eventually, yes, but first?”

  “Because it could be our only chance,” Alchan answered. “If we don’t free them now, Shadra could easily realize what sort of threat they pose. An angry, deadly group of males living beneath her very city? She would have them exterminated if she thought they could rise up. Right now, she probably thinks she has them under control, and her security measures can’t fail. We need to get them out before it’s too late.”

  “But—”

  “We need the warriors, Mave,” Luykas said, cutting her off. “And for all their problems, they’re warriors. Maybe with freedom and real control coming from something they understand, they’ll adjust their attitudes and wipe away the disgrace they’ve placed on themselves.”

  “And if they committed crimes against any of you, they’ll answer to their king,” Alchan added.

  Mave narrowed her eyes on him. He knew something. She saw Rain slink back out of the room from the corner of her eye. She turned to see Rain staring back at her from the kitchen, alone. He nodded slowly. When she looked back at Alchan, the king raised his chin in the Andinna way of asking, ‘do you dare challenge me?’

  “I won’t take bullies, abusers, or rapists into my army. Now, there are so many of them, there’s a chance some just lashed out in anger with words and snide comments. Those will have the chance to apologize because, under the circumstances, everyone was pushed to their limits, and they might regret those words. Any that brutalized you, Matesh, or Rainev will be given no such option. They’ll be handled.”

  “Why not just leave them in Elliar?” she asked, rage making her words thick.

  “Because I want to kill them,” he explained, baring his teeth. “Long have I heard the tales from the three of you about what happened down there. King’s Justice demands I free them because they’re my people and kill them myself, for the same reason.” He tilted his head a little, just a touch, enough to let her know he was considering something. “You can help, Champion, if it’ll put your mind and heart at ease with the plan.”

  She grinned in reply. “Then fine. Bring them here. If they harm Dave or Trevan during the escape, they’ll die for it. Is that clear?”

  “Of course.” Alchan raised his drink, taking a sip. “Here’s to getting warriors. And killing those who have done too much damage to live on this plane any longer. May they find justice among the gods when we’re through with them.”

  Mave nodded and began to walk out. “I’ll let you all figure this out. Mates
h, please let me know what’s decided later.” He nodded, and she could see understanding in his eyes. He was fine with her deciding to go. He probably knew what was troubling her. He had been there to witness her old life.

  “Aw, you aren’t going to stick around for the one problem this entire idea has going for it?” Nevyn said. Kian began to chuckle.

  “I’m not stupid,” she said blandly. “Taking Kerit. We have nowhere to receive them if they get free and get on a ship to get this far north. There’s no way they can safely walk the entire Empire, not with the number of gladiators in Elliar.”

  “Do you know their numbers?” Leshaun sounded hopeful. She sighed.

  “Roughly. There’s generally about two hundred in the pits at any given time. Between the rest in the city, different private owners, and some just outside the city, you’re looking at close to six or seven hundred Andinna gladiators. Even more in general slaves, probably triple.” She shrugged as everyone stared at her with wide eyes. “These numbers used to get tossed around in front of me. I was the Champion. I was the best of all of them. It’s a big deal when you’re the best out of hundreds, not just the best of a dozen.”

  She continued walking out, not wanting any more talk of gladiators and Elliar. Guilt weighed heavily on her as she considered how she left Trevan and Dave there. Dave, hiding from enemies he had no chance of defeating. Trevan, thrown into the very hell he rescued her from, a hell he once had some power in.

  Their lives were ruined, thanks to her.

  The cool night air burned her lungs in a good way, a bit painful and a small punishment. She left them. She was given only a handful of allies in her life, and she left two of them to Shadra—one directly under her thumb and another running from her wrath.

  She left them.

  The guilt would kill her long before a battle did. She had never felt so terrible about her actions against another.

  She walked to the trail and headed toward the village. She could have flown, could have gone faster, but something about experiencing the freedom of flying while knowing those two were left in captivity put a bad taste in her mouth. She would walk, as she did for centuries, to clear her mind, and hopefully rid herself of the terrible guilt.

  It wasn’t so late in the valley that the village wasn’t bustling with activity. As she entered on the small trail from Alchan’s home, she saw males running around, still working on the variety of side projects that needed to be done. The second communal barracks was done, meaning everyone was officially sleeping indoors, even if the quarters were cramped. There was already talk of a third barracks, and Mave wondered if it would get done soon or if it would wait until spring. Not that it was something on her plate of responsibilities, which she was thankful for. She didn’t know a damn thing about managing people, and it wasn’t on her list of things to learn.

  For the most part, the Andinna running around the village ignored her. For centuries, her presence had turned heads. Even when she was free, the free Andinna in Olost had only known the legends surrounding her. She had been a killer, the very best of her kind. Gladiators were meant to turn killing into a sport, and while many were good at winning the crowds, she had only gotten good at killing as a means to an end. Surviving had always been her number one priority. It had made her brutal on the sands in a way none of the others ever achieved.

  But these Andinna ignored her. There was something oddly comforting about it. She was just one of many, just for a moment. They were all too busy with what they were doing to pay her any mind. None of them stopped and saluted. None of them whispered about her, glancing her way with distrust. None of them talked about her scars, the beatings she had taken, or how she was an Andinna slut to the Elvasi lords and ladies.

  Mave kept walking, making sure not to get in anyone’s way. People were shouting about food stores in different buildings and making sure they had enough come winter. Harvest was past, and the haul had been good, or so she’d been told.

  I left them.

  She couldn’t push the thought from her mind.

  I’m here, living the best life I can under the circumstances, and I left them in hell.

  Her hands were shaking as she brought them up to her face. It was never supposed to be like this. She was never supposed to be free and where she was. She was supposed to be a gladiator, and they were supposed to be free to do with their lives whatever they pleased.

  How had the roles gotten so tangled up? How did she end up here and leave them there after what they did for her? How could she leave Trevan, a poor guard who wanted to help, to the very monstrous life he had helped save her from? How could she sleep at night, knowing she had passed her own nightmares onto someone else?

  Here, she was ignored, something she had never been given before—anonymity. For one small moment, she would have given it all away, just to get rid of the guilt.

  Can’t let Matesh know that. He’ll strangle me. He’ll tell me how everyone knew the risks and chose their own limits. Dave and Trevan each decided to sacrifice their peace and safety for my freedom.

  Looking around, she wondered if she deserved it. She couldn’t even keep one of her husbands safe. Brynec was still out there, lost to them, all because she and Alchan decided a fucking rebellion was the way to go. She couldn’t stop Shadra from attacking their home in Olost, couldn’t save Senri and Allaina and so many others until after they had been brutalized by the Empire.

  She started running, ignoring how it made people begin to turn her way. Once she was at top speed, she jumped, opening her wings to catch the air. Moments later, she was high above the village, under the stars, and free.

  “What am I doing if I can’t even protect the few people I have?” she asked, staring at the stars that filled the sky around her. The red moon hung low tonight, not showering the world in its glow. It was just her and the stars. “I can’t be so selfish to say they knew what they were getting into. It’s too cold, even for me. They did something for me, and I left them there. I never asked anyone if there was an update. I just wrote them off, believing they were dead. What is wrong with me?”

  Why did this hurt so much? Why did it feel like her honor was tarnished, and her confidence was crushed?

  She hung there in the sky, staring at the stars, knowing they didn’t have the answers. They never did. The gods never heard her, and she wasn’t sure why she was even trying.

  “Mave,” someone called.

  She looked down at the white wings coming up. She wasn’t paying attention again, and Luykas had found her.

  “Yes?” she asked softly as he flew up beside her.

  “I could…feel you. Do you want to talk about it?” He sheepishly looked away from her as she tried to search his face for any clues to how he felt.

  “Not yet,” she answered. “But thank you.”

  “It’s not your fault they’re still in Elliar. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Yes…and no,” she admitted. “I don’t want to talk about it, Luykas. Can I just have your company for a minute?”

  “I know a good cliffside perch we can land on. Good view of the stars from there.” He held out a hand, and she dared to grab it. She let her guilt and conflicted nature pour into him, showing him what she couldn’t find the words to talk about yet. She felt guilty, but she also knew the logical arguments. She didn’t know how to reconcile the different pieces. He nodded and pulled her to follow him, his wings flapping a little faster to pick up speed. She went with him, and they found the cliffside perch he mentioned. It was high atop the cliffside that was Alchan’s home.

  “Where’s your home from here?” she asked, curious.

  “I’m two above Alchan, about halfway up the cliff.”

  They sat side-by-side, their feet hanging over the edge, dangling in the night air.

  She wanted to get her mind off everything, so she decided to continue with the mundane topics.

  “About this female you like, do I know her?”

  “I would ho
pe so,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Anything but this.”

  “I’m curious.”

  “I know. It’s frightening.”

  “Please. I don’t want to think about Trevan and Dave anymore. I don’t want to think of gladiators and sands. I want something normal.” She hoped he relented. “Pretend like I’m Alchan. I bet you’ve told him all about this female.”

  “She’s tough. She’s beautiful and strong. She’s surprisingly vulnerable, though. It’s hidden under shells of power and an aggressive nature,” he said softly. “She’s not what I expected. I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand her, but I guess that’s the beautiful part about it.”

  Mave suddenly remembered why she shouldn’t have brought this topic up. Jealousy stabbed her like a poisoned knife. She’d never thought she could be jealous of anyone Luykas was with, but there it was. It begged her to ask and answer her own question.

  When did I start to think of him as mine? Is this because of the blood bond? The expectation he would just always circle around me because we’re tied together?

  She wanted him happy. He’d done a lot for her and continued to be there for her, even if she didn’t want him there. He took her to task, too. He called her out for being a bitch to him, something she deserved. When had she started to appreciate all of that?

  But he was never hers, and she didn’t know why she was angry at the unknown female. How dare she take his eyes from Mave? Mave wanted to find her and establish that Luykas was hers. They shared the blood bond. They fought together. They talked about nothing and everything, all in a single touch. He couldn’t have that with someone else.

  “Mave?” Luykas said softly. “Are you okay?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

  “You’re growling.”

  She turned away from him, stopping the rumbling in her chest.

  Damn it.

  He seemed just as shocked by her behavior as she was. Neither of them continued the conversation, looking up at the stars.

  “I should go,” she finally said. “Was the meeting almost done when you left?”