The Rebel's Vision Read online

  “Go back to sleep, Rainev. That’s an order,” Alchan said softly, looking away from him again.

  “No. I’m going to clean this up,” he told his king. “You are going to get some sleep. You can’t function as our king like this. You’re going to fall off your feet at some point and be useless to everyone.”

  Something dangerous flashed in Alchan’s face. “Don’t ever disobey an order from me,” he growled.

  “It’s my right and duty to protect the health and well-being of the noble warrior to whom I am sworn,” Rain reminded him, gathering all of his courage. “From enemies, from allies…and from himself.”

  Alchan rose to his feet slowly, the hard gaze he gave Rain unrelenting.

  “I won’t be resting until I get him back,” Alchan explained. Rain could see the very slight wobble he had. That didn’t stop a small shake beginning to take over Rain’s body. It didn’t stop the fear. He wasn’t dominant enough to challenge Alchan. Only Luykas and Mave were.

  What do I think I’m doing? Why didn’t I just walk out and find one of them?

  “Then when Bryn does get back, you’ll be useless to help him.” Rain lifted his chin, deciding he had to channel both of them. “You have to rest.”

  It happened in the blink of an eye. One moment, Rain was staring down the unmovable eyes of Alchan Andini, king of the Andinna and bedru male too dominant to live politely in their society.

  The next, he was against the wall. The eyes were still there, but they were joined by a hand around his throat, holding him in place. Something in Alchan had snapped. The lack of sleep had worn down the male’s patience. Rain saw it all in those amber eyes. They were too wild, too uncontained, too dangerous.

  “Don’t ever mistake your place by my side as equality,” Alchan snarled. “I get the final say. Always.”

  Rain was shaking hard now. Fear made him nauseous. The room was dark, a male was holding him too hard, and he couldn’t fight back.

  No!

  He couldn’t stop tears from flooding his eyes as he tried to pry Alchan’s hand off his neck, clawing at it desperately. Something ferocious began to work its way in his chest.

  Alchan’s eyes went wide, and he released Rain quickly, stepping back, all the way to the far wall of the room.

  Rain panted, holding his neck, trying to pull in the wyvern, trying to keep himself calm. What Alchan had just done wasn’t special. It’s what he would have done to any Andinna foolish enough to test and challenge him while he was in a mood. It was always important to remember that because Alchan wasn’t female, he had to fight a bit harder to maintain power, he had to keep upstarts from trying to take over, had to defend the royal bloodline until he could produce a female heir. The stability of Andinna society depended on a female heir of the royal bloodline.

  “Rainev,” Alchan whispered. “I…”

  Rain looked up at him, not angry, but still feeling the fear, still feeling the pain he had suffered in the pits. After months of working with Alchan, this was the first time the dominant male had genuinely terrified him.

  “I’ll be in my rooms.” The king’s head dropped, and he walked out quickly. Rain heard the king’s door slam shut hard enough, he was going to need to check the hinges in the morning. A few seconds later, something crashed. Alchan was throwing things.

  Alchan could easily put Andinna in their place when they pissed him off. He only threw things when he was mad at himself. Rain had learned that early on.

  Rain took that thought, that bit of knowledge he had about Alchan, and let it soothe the rest of his fear. They could talk in the morning—they had to. Rain didn’t know if he could continue with this role if that was how the bad nights were going to be. Understanding didn’t equal coping.

  There’s only so much I can deal with.

  He looked down at his hands, noticing the small blue scales that hadn’t yet receded. He would have done it. If Alchan had gone any further, he would have started shifting in a tiny, confined space and killed both of them.

  Eventually, the crashing in the back bedroom stopped. Rain took his chance to start cleaning up the main room, organizing Alchan’s papers and stacking them on the dining table where they could be found in the morning if Alchan wanted to read while having breakfast. Rain then threw some logs on the fire, trying to get it restarted before Alchan decided to come out or he woke up for breakfast. If he could get it going now, he could have a warm home to wake up to.

  Lastly, he shuffled around the kitchen and prepped breakfast, knowing Alchan had certain things he liked to make. Rain hadn’t yet cooked a full meal living with the king. Alchan had a pure enjoyment for cooking that Rain tried not to disturb, settling to handle drinks every meal.

  When he made it to his bedroom, he fell into his bed and realized his hands had never stopped shaking.

  Rain woke up to the rich smell of Alchan’s cooking and sat up quickly, mentally cursing. He was always up before Alchan. How had the king beaten him to arise when he had so little sleep over the last few days?

  I swear to the Skies, if he didn’t sleep last night, I’m leaving. I’m not going to watch this and have the blame for his ill health pushed onto me.

  He yanked up pants and stomped out of the room, all of his youthful bluster carrying him to the dining table.

  It left him the moment Alchan saw him from the kitchen.

  “Good morning, Rainev. Have a seat. Food will be ready shortly.” Alchan pointed at the table with a cooking spoon before turning away to focus on the food over the cooking fire.

  Rain pulled out a chair and sat down slowly, his hands shaking again. At some point, Alchan put something into the stove oven over the cooking fire and walked out of the kitchen. He held two glasses and slid one in front of Rain.

  “Coffee,” he said blandly. “We should talk while that finishes up. Please let me speak without interrupting. This isn’t going to be a comfortable conversation for either of us.”

  Rain nodded, pulling the mug of coffee closer. With a tentative sip, he realized the king had either guessed or already figured out how Rain liked his coffee—an odd thing for someone like Alchan to remember.

  “Last night, I crossed a line. I did sleep, eventually, thanks to your persistence. You’ll notice it’s nearly midday. I let you rest as well since if I’m always up, you are too, then we’re both useless.” Alchan sighed, looking away from him. “If you were Luykas, it wouldn’t have gone that far. If you were Nevyn, it might have, but he would have had a response. Matesh…I would do it to Matesh without thinking, and he would understand. Your father, definitely. I’ve had to before.”

  “I under—”

  “What did I say?” Alchan growled softly. Rain closed his mouth quickly and tried his best to hold it closed as the bedru continued. “But a single response doesn’t work for everyone. In our culture, dominance is a constant battle for those of us, and if a less dominant male challenges a more dominant male, a fight wouldn’t be frowned upon. Females are the same way, but there are other ways to handle dominance problems and conflicts among the unspoken rankings of the Andinna.”

  Rain knew all of this. He wasn’t like Mave or some of the slaves who didn’t understand. He’d grown up with the Andinna.

  “While violence isn’t unnatural for us, that doesn’t mean we get the right to be heartless or cruel,” Alchan continued. “I’ve never pried or asked you to tell me about what happened to you in the pits. I’ve never had to, and it can remain unspoken for as long as you need or want. But the lack of knowledge on my part doesn’t excuse my behavior because I know the signs you show. I know, Rainev. Not the details, but I’ve seen it all at this point. Just that should have held me back last night. I should never have gotten physical with you. I shouldn’t have treated you like you’re some upstart warrior with a bone to pick with authority. They deserve to meet the wall. You do not.”

  Rain’s head spun as the blood left it. Alchan’s eyes narrowed on him, but neither of them moved.


  He knows. He’s figured me out. He thinks I’m weak. He’s not going to want me as his nemari anymore.

  “If anything, I should be honored you’ve trusted me for so long to tolerate my presence,” Alchan said softly. “And if you want to leave my service, I will permit it and give you rank and title according to what you deserve as a retiring member of the Company and as my nemari. If you can tolerate my hurdle in learning to live with someone and learning to control some of my more dangerous impulses, I would be grateful…no, I would be honored to keep you. You’ve been invaluable to me so far, and I know you would remain so.”

  Rain couldn’t answer as he processed those words.

  “Rainev?”

  “I understand what happened last night,” he blurted out a thought from earlier. “I understand that physicality is accepted among the Andinna, and I know my role in what happened.”

  “That doesn’t make my actions excusable, Rainev.” Alchan growled softly after speaking. “If anything, they make them more inexcusable. You understand, and you were raised by our principles, but you’re missing the part where our culture knows how to adjust and help those of us who need uplifting. You should be given power in your rank, not kept there through fear. That’s not…” Alchan visibly swallowed. “I never want to be that king. I never want to be a king who demands fear and obedience. I want respect and warriors who follow me because they believe in me. Last night, I got your obedience through fear, and that is inexcusable.”

  “You’re right about me,” Rain whispered. “Mave and Matesh saved me from being gang raped. They, uh, wanted to make sure I knew my place and who put me there, once Mave and Mat were killed.”

  Alchan’s eyebrows went up slowly. Whatever the king had been thinking, it hadn’t been as bad as the truth. He’d never seen Alchan go pale before.

  “They saw a submissive mutt and wanted…” Rain couldn’t keep going, his lungs failing him.

  “I’m sorry, Rainev. I won’t get physical with you anymore.”

  He’d never heard Alchan speak in a rushed manner.

  “I don’t want to be treated as an invalid,” he snapped at Alchan. “I just want to get stronger. I want to show everyone that just because I’m submissive doesn’t mean I’m a fucking victim they can have whenever they want. And if they don’t fear me in this form, they’ll fear me by the end.” Rain felt the surge of power as his wyvern pushed toward the surface. He felt the way his skin sat differently on his face as scales took over, the temperature of the room feeling different through scales compared to skin. “I couldn’t shift in the pits, and my wyvern was silent through it all. We won’t be silenced anymore, Alchan. If I think you’re a threat to me, you’ll know.”

  “As I learned last night,” Alchan murmured. “As one or more of the young males of our rebellion have already learned as well, I believe.”

  “He’s an ex-lover. When he’s drunk, he forgets what I am. He plays dominance games in bed. I used to find them fun, enjoyable, but they…they scare me now. I don’t want to lose control anymore. Not after the pits.” Rain leaned over and put his head on the table. “I want to be your nemari, Sire. You’ve honed my fighting skills more than training for decades before joining the Company ever did. The only person who has taught me as well as you was Mave. I never wanted to burden her, though, and she would have told Matesh. Then Mat would have told my father, who would have worried more than I wanted him to. You’ve given me a role that’s more than just my wyvern. Let’s be honest, Alchan. My second form was why you allowed me to join the Company, but you’ve helped me become more than it. I don’t want to lose that growth.”

  “And last night?”

  “I don’t think I can handle that on a regular basis. Not now, maybe not ever. I hate it. I hate being treated with care. I hate the idea I’m weak—”

  “I’ve never called you weak and never will,” Alchan growled. Rain felt a hand wedge itself under his face and grab his chin. With a sharp pull, Alchan forced them to meet eye-to-eye again. “You are not weak, Rainev. You have limits, but within them, you are powerful. You’re a warrior. You’re the child of warriors. You’ll one day train the next generation of warriors. There’s nothing weak about a male who fights gryphons in the air. There’s nothing weak about a male who burns fleets. There’s nothing weak about a male who was unfairly beaten and abused by a group that outnumbered you.”

  “Mave and Mat…” It didn’t happen to them.

  “Were you armed?” Rain shook his head. “Were they armed? Mave and Matesh?”

  “Mave was allowed to carry her steel. She found Mat first and gave him a sword.”

  “They had steel. Sharp blades honed to kill in the bloodiest ways on those godforsaken sands I keep hearing about. Were your opponents bigger than you?”

  “They were pureblood Andinna.”

  “Was there a chance to escape?”

  “I was already injured. It was the day I fought the gryphon on my own. They yanked me into a small room in the pits from the dark.”

  “Then they took advantage of a convenient moment to attack. They had you on size and strength because that’s what happens to most mutts. Luykas is the exception when it comes to his equal size to me. They outnumbered you, a cowardly move when they knew you were already injured and most likely unable to fight back. They beat you, not because they wanted to prove they were more dominant, but because they wanted to kill the fight in you.” Alchan’s words grew more taut, angrier with every sentence. “And if I ever meet a single one of them, I’ll fucking kill them for you. They don’t deserve what we’re doing here. Do you understand me? The moment I get my hands on them, they will be punished the way any Andinna rapist should be punished. Their wings will be removed, and I’ll hang them on display as part of the King’s Justice, then I’ll let them rot in a cell, unable to cope with the loss. When they’ve lost all hope, I’ll see their heads roll.”

  Rage blazed in amber eyes as Rain saw Alchan’s suggested punishment unfold in his mind.

  Rain was shaking again. Alchan released him slowly and leaned back in his chair.

  “Are you scared of me?” Alchan asked softly.

  “Not anymore,” Rain whispered honestly.

  This wasn’t a dominant male who had meant to hurt him. He hadn’t meant to scare him. Alchan would raze the earth to protect anyone who belonged to him, to uphold the honor of the Andinna way. He just had a hard time adjusting, and Rain realized ways he could help with that. A bedru almost never found himself a family because of their natures, and Alchan was no different. He didn’t even live with his brother anymore.

  “So, how do we proceed forward?” Alchan drummed his fingers on the table.

  “I only get on you for one thing, Alchan. Sleeping. Last night, you snapped. You weren’t…” Rain didn’t dare finish that sentence.

  “I wasn’t safe to be around. I realized that the moment I saw your scales coming out. And you’re right, lack of sleep was a major factor in my behavior. Doesn’t excuse it, but it was part of it.”

  “Stop. Just stop with that inexcusable bullshit. If I were any other male, it would have been your right to knock me upside the head and tell me to back off.”

  “You’re not every other male,” Alchan reminded him.

  Rain sighed. Back to that. “Just fucking sleep when I tell you it’s time for you to stop. That’s all I’m asking. I’m only here to make sure you don’t run yourself into the ground. My body before yours, remember?”

  Alchan frowned, somehow disturbed by something Rain had said.

  “I remember. Fine, I’ll admit defeat when it comes to getting a proper amount of sleep, but you must also sleep when I retire. You don’t need to clean up every night or prep food for me in the morning. Speaking of food.” Alchan jumped up and left Rain sitting there. A few moments later, he came back out. “If you let it cool for a moment, a roast is ready for lunch. Why don’t you hit up the hot spring? It’ll be fine to eat when you get back.”

 
It was such a domestic thing after such a heavy conversation.

  It lightened Rain’s heart.

  He’s a king who cares.

  12

  Mave

  Mave washed her hands in the river, then splashed her face with the cool water. Three long drinks of the water slaked her thirst and would sustain her for a little while.

  Two more weeks without word from Bryn. Two more weeks of hoping on everything that he was safe. Two more weeks of not knowing.

  She was getting angry.

  When she stood up, she turned to the females she was taking on a hike. They had to build more muscle in their legs, and this was a good way to do it and kill time. They could let the blisters heal on their hands from the swords and instead get blisters on their feet. If they ever wanted to fight against the Elvasi, they had to be accustomed to marching. A simple hike was a good beginning.

  “How does everyone feel?” Mave called out. “Feet hurt? Thighs? Calves? Backs?”

  “All the above,” the vocal Fyren answered.

  “Good. It means you’re getting stronger.” Mave gestured to the water. “Drink. Be careful, though. Too much and you’ll get sick. Too little and you’ll drop out of the hike, and your sisters will have to carry you.”

  They rushed around her. She had made them wait to watch what she did, but none of them realized that. She smirked as she realized more than half of them were going to be puking by the end of the hike. She was angry enough at everything to find the idea amusing and not annoying like she would any other day. Half of the new females from their mission were learning and trying their hardest. They weren’t accustomed to the activity levels Mave put them through, but they wanted to be ready. The other half was disappointing, at best. Once Mave felt confident in their abilities to defend themselves and escape if needed, she was going to release them from the majority of the training and send them into the village to find work. If she kept trying to force them to work as hard as she needed, eventually, they would end up bitter. She didn’t need bitter bitches wandering around.